Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Life : it is always road not taken….

Sometimes, I really hope that I was not given any choices when it is time to decide something. Choices will just leave the decision undecided. This is very true. Sometimes, when we were forced to choose the only option available, the decision must be made and carried doesn’t matter by hook or by crook. Well, this is life.
There are times when we really need some options to choose. There are also times where we never hope the choices were available so that we can proceed. The question is why choices will seem to make things undecided. Well, this is simple. Let say if you are lost in the big city, if there is not much branchy road then you can reach the other end very soon and you will know where are you going to stop. However, if the road you lost is branchy road, there are too many choices for you to choose and decide before you can reach the other end. Sometimes, you really regretted your choice and want to move back and walk the other road that you didn’t choose. This is why the time is longer because your footstep never in one pace and distinction.
After all, you will always want to move to the front but your heart is always being hold back by the other option you didn’t choose. Well, it is always the road not taken. Life there is no return. When the decision had been decided, we have to move on. There is no point turning back because you will need to restart all over again. Yes, it is true that you can restart all over again but my question will be how many times do you have to restart all over again? The reality is that how much life do you have to restart all over again?
Not just that, the efforts and the impact for one to start all over again are not just involve on that particular person. It is a very high amplitude decision that affect al the people around him or her. Simple question will an overall view of his situation I stated: do you think you can remarry another person when you found that your husband or wife was not the right person for you? Well, nowadays people will say it is easy, just divorce and that is it. Life is not that simple. The elderly will know what lies behind a divorce and what lies behind a marriage that not really understood by the people nowadays. Well, this days people want a simple life but actually they messing an playing with daily chores that make their lives more complicated and complex.
Well, life can be very simple. Just decide what it is suppose to decide and move on. No matter the pros and cons the decision that we had decided, we had to take it up and life goes on. If look carefully, those pros and cons is what we so called a conclusion of our lives when we breathe out our last breath. Life is always the road not taken but let the road not taken jealous on us rather than we jealous on the road not taken….

Monday, October 11, 2010

Pen or Pencil...

This evening I am having the Biostatic quiz before the lecture ended. The questions were projected on the screen and we need to answer both of the questions. After reading the question, I had pop out with a silly question that sound: “Miss X, can I use pencil to answer the quiz?”

Well, an university student is asking the lecturer whether he can use a pencil to answer his quiz or not. At first I thought it was nothing. I assume it is part of the jokes of the day. After hearing the answer from Miss X, I suddenly think that it is a joke of my life. Her answer is: “Hmm, answer it with pen la…this must be very not confident with yourself. That is why you want to use pencil.”

Like usual, I will deny most of the answer provided by this Miss X. however, this time I had a very different feeling. I had thought a lot about what she said throughout the quiz. My dear reader, think twice…when do we use pencil to write most of the things in our daily lives? When do we use pen to write down all the important notes daily? Think again…

When we are small, I mean when we are kid in the primary school, we were taught to use pencil to write and we were provided with an eraser. When we had written wrong, we can just simply erase the wrongly written letter or words. Then, we rewrite to correct the mistake written earlier. This somehow makes writing seem to have nothing wrong just that there are a bit dirt behind our writing. It sometimes seems to be like the water mark and make the writing perfectly match it.

As we grew older, we are into the maturity phase of our lives. As we enter this phase of life, we had come across many new things and new feeling that we seldom come across as a kid. On of the item being introduce is using the pen. I still remember when I was in Standard 6, most of my friends wanted to use a pen so badly in their homework. I was questioning myself about that. I am wondering why they so wanted to use a pen? For me both the pen and pencil are the same. This is especially black inked pen.

As I enter Form 1, we were asked and forced to use pen to manage our daily homework and teachers usually requires a blue inked pen for that. Just like pencil, we were being introduced with ‘liquid paper’ too. It is used to erase the faulty writing. However, the usage of the pen is very much different from using a pencil. When we had written something wrong with pen, we need to use liquid paper to correct it. The liquid paper will left the scar on the paper and it is very significant that we had written something wrong on the paper. Compare to using a pencil, we just erase it and that is it. Nothing much scar was left on the paper.

Thus, most of us later keep n asking the teacher whether we can use the pencil or not. Actually, it is whenever we were not confident to write down something, we will ask the teacher and request to use the pencil. Why?

This is so that we can correct the wrongly written items on the paper easily. If we use a pen, it takes time for the liquid paper to dry and rewrite the correct writing on the liquid paper sometimes is very difficult. Then, we were taught to just draw a horizontal line over the wrong written letter. This has lead writing to get worse. The paper with the essay writing was like a piece of art of line across the words and letter.

When look back this on me today. It has nothing much different. This is actually what life is as well. As a kid, when we had did something wrong, we can just erase it and correct what we had did wrong. Just like the pencil and eraser. It left nothing much scar on the paper. As we grew adult, this piece of paper will just become part of our memory and sometimes being forgotten as well.

In the adulthood, our lives are just like a pen and liquid paper. Every wrong step will leave a terrible scar on the paper. It takes longer time for use to correct something that we have did wrongly. It is just like waiting for the liquid paper to dry up before we can write the correct letter on it.

When we are kid, whenever we had did something wrong people will be very forgiving. Instead they will think that the wrong step taken by the kid will be the life long experience and it is also the teacher of life that the kid should bring to the last breath of life. However, human is living in reality and not in the ideal situation. We will forget this easily-forgiven lesson and keep on repeating the faults until some scar had permanently curved on our memories. That is why adult want to be kid so much. It is just like using a pencil with a eraser.

As we grew older, our memories and experience will also being piled up. At the same time, our faulty also increases. How do we really want to manage the faulty or mistakes that we had generated is very much depending on how we want to face the consequences. Last but not least, as an adult…we always have the choices to choose to either to use a pen or a pencil to write down our life on a piece of paper…when there are mistake, then you will question yourself…is pen or pencil better…my answer will be…no matter it is pen or pencil…you still have to write…that is life…..

Monday, October 4, 2010

will the properity come for a visit again?

It has being a long time since I ever post something over here. Well, I had a lot to write but I do not have the time. However, I had pulled myself up to write about this scene I had seen a few days ago. I was having my dinner at some restaurant nearby my campus. I saw this Chinese family sitting on the table nearby. There are two kids and their parents. On the other table there is another Indian family consisting of a mother and three children. They are all having their male while I had just order my meal. I heard one of the Chinese family kids ask her mom: Mommy, why are the black colour?
Can you guess what did the mother said? I was guessing that the mother will said that they Indian was born to be black skinned due to their genetic. Well, it was quite scientific answer. However, I heard a very different answer and I felt so amazed with the answer…the mother answer is “well, they seldom bath ma…that why their skin is full with ‘daki’ and they all ma black lo” luckily I was not drinking my water. If not I am very sure that I had already spurt out on the spot. It was very funny and I was holding my smile so that the Chinese family does not notice that I am smiling at them.
Then the father supports the answer of his wife: “If Ah Mei (I think is that little girl’s name) no bath probably then will be a black as them lo… if yu dowan be black like them you must bath probably and dun get near them so much in school k”
After listening to the answer of the father, I suddenly had a very cold feeling deep in my heart and I do not feel that their conversation has any humor anymore. Instead I felt a cold sweat sweep through my ears. Luckily the Indian mother and her children do not understand Chinese. Maybe she understand but just ignore them.
I am wondering if this is our community nowadays, the parent guidance for the children is in such a ‘special’ way, then no wonder we have so many blogs and the post on facebook talking about racism. I cannot inaging what kind of mindset the little girl will be when she grow up with the influence about a multiracial society. If she really believes her parents words thatn I bet when she had grown up, she wunt have many Indian friends. Maybe she will just live in the Chinese community.
Parents actually play a very important role in the children cognitive and social development. Any slippage in the parental education will result a hazardous consequences in the future. There are things that about other races that we can make fun with and humorous but when this humor comes into some sensitive thinking, it is no longer a joke.
It is actually a very saddening incident in Malaysia that we can read a lot of articles and post in facebook and blog and other website about faulty belief in religion and negative view of other races believe. We have a very hot issue about the quran book burning by the Christian about 911, we had also heard about the influences of the Christ in depleting the muslim believe. At the same time we also had heard many things about racism.
Have we ever wondered why all these consequences never happen in the older days? I am not a very old man but I had used to grown up in a multi racial environment. My mother had hired two baby sitter to take care of me when I was a baby; an Indian single-mother and a Malay mother with 3 kids. Up to this days, I am still in contact with them. Visiting each other during festive season. My old house allow me to experience the real prosperity living in the multi racial society. Nowadays, me and my family do not really like the new neighborhood because every corner is all Chinese. We prefer the old house because we had all kinds of races in every corner of the neighborhood. This include the Indonesian.
What had made us nowadays is actually what our history is. It is like making a cake. The dough will make the flavor of the cake in the future. However, I do not know where is the part that had went wrong making the society in Malaysia today not like before. If I ever ask this question to any of the minister, I bet I will have the same answer but a different variable. Each race will blame other races for the racism. If that is the answer that will be given by the minister, then no wonder why the olden days will never visit Malaysia again.
I really miss my older days where I can run in and out the house of my neighbor, sleep overnight no matter it is Indian or malay house. I always remember my mom had told me that my grandmother had scolded her for hiring an Indian as a baby sitter. She also got scold for letting me sleep overnight at the malay house. Well, that is what a Malaysian should be I bet. We do not really care what skin colour are you but the feeling of being togetherness as a neighbours. My mom has no worries to let me take care by any races because she believe and confident about my safety with them. Are nowadays mother will be able to do so? I am not sure but I am very thankful that my mom had given me this precious view about multiracial society.
After all, I really hope that the multiracial prosperity will arise and bring back all those old days that I had pass through. I really hope that the mother will think twice about what she had told her little daughther….

Monday, September 20, 2010

so called 7 deadly sins......

From facebook, I had read one of my friend post sound like this: “‎7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride ... omg i got more than half i guess…”
Some of the sins named in his post I know it very well, some of them I need to search through dictionary to know exactly the meaning. Shame on me…however, I still wanna share this with you all.
From the listed sins, the following table shows the explanation: (all from Longman Dictionary)




LUST:
This is a feeling that I think I owned very much. I always have a strong desire to have something in my life. I want to be happy, I want to life a very prosperous life where there are no worries and no faulty. However, this is a feeling listed as a sin. I am wondering. How sinful it is to have lust for happiness and prosperity….

Gluttony & Greed:
I think I have this as well sin because I seldom eat a lot but I will buy a lot of food and drinks. Usually I cannot finish them and then last destination of the food will be in the rubbish bin. I am not sure of why but I will buy all the food that I think I will eat. However, when I really want to start eating I will feel full looking at all those foods. It is large wastage. I know it very well but I cannot stop myself. This is what called greed. I am greedy for more foods and drinks. However I cannot finish them and throw them into the rubbish bin. This is pure greed not for power and money but is in sanitation.
I am pretty sure that I do not greed for power as I do not like to hold power in my ability. I feel very uneasy because those who has power in his or her ability will always need to make decision. I do not greed for money too. I never look money as everything in my life but it is part of the needs to survive. I never ask for more money as I do not think I need it. I can life a simple life as I wanted too. Do not need any extra money…

SLOTH
This is very true about me. I am very lazy. Too lazy till sometimes I keep on conflicting with the inner me. I do not know why but sometimes I really want to just lay down and do nothing for a few days, a few weeks and months and years…however, I cannot stand for the boredom too. Thus, I also do not know what I really want….

WRATH
I am a person that can be easily light up. A simple thing can make me furious and full of anger. A little pressure in life will make me see thing is fire. I seldom cool down when my anger had visited me. It takes times longer than a month for me to really relese all my anger. Or else I need to be alone in some place to find back the calamity in my life…or else most of my friend will get scold from me….bad bad me…

ENVY
I do have envy deep in myself. This feeling is always there for me. As I look on other people success I will not feel jealous but I really envy his or her successfulness. I hope I am he or she and stand there being awarded or being praised. I hoep that I am an working fellah so that I can owned my own house, my own car and other possessions when I look at those working adult. I used to had this feeling at a very young age of 10 I bet…

PRIDE
I do not like the feeling of pride. Whenever I had something to be proud of, I will keep it so that no people know about it. I do not like people to know about my success because I feel ashamed. Most of them will think that I am just showing off with pride. So I think I do not really have the pride. Thus, not long ago I had lost myself. I do not know what is the point I struggle for my study and other stuuf because I do not really like the feeling of pride….

Actually, the point I share this seven sins is not tho show to you guys that the sins and the effect of having these kind of feeling. I just want to point out that, the so said sins actually is very depend on how the community look at the moral values nowadays. It is not very acceptable to stay together in ahouse before marriage in eastern country but it is well accepted in western country. This is most probably the same when it comes to sin. How can we determine whether the act we had done is a sin or not is very much depend on how the community look on the action. For example is gluttony. Most of friend said that I am wasting my money for the food and they seem to not accept the way I buy my food. Well, I think that it is okie as I think I can really finished the food. However if we are full and we still force ourselves to finished up the food is also wrong. We are making our body to suffer later.
An action is said to be sin or not is very much depend on how you feel and think when you do the action and not what other people said about your act. This seems to be very self centered and I admit it that I am a person that very self centered and I do not really care about what other people said about me. For me, they just can see the physical me and never the inner me. However, I do not mean that we can be that self centered till kill other people is correct. Be rational and be strong on what you believe in. just let the community busy with their so called moral values and civics. The most important is still how you think about your act….

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

What is supposedly to happened to the world in the future?

Recently the new movie of Resident Evil 4 had being on screen. I had watched it and totally amazed and scared by the sudden highly sounded effect. Nevertheless, the story line was quite interesting. It talks about how the little group of tiny mankind survived through the man-made-apocalypse. They had being very determinant and know exactly that they want to survive through the tragic. It is supposedly that the determination of mankind will result in something good for its own civilization. However, the situation doesn’t seem to be like this.
Just like in the movie, the mankind determination is far beyond their expectation. There are some of the mankind that are very determine to do something even though he or she knows the price that he or she need to give off. Of course this kind of people is too intelligent and capable to paying the price for their determination. What happened next is the suffering of the other mankind that had nothing to do with it. It happened to be like this. As we can seen from the movie, there are certain people that still strive to continue his project and making others to pay for its consequences. They knew that their determination will harm and kill others but they do not seem to care much about it. The result of their determination is matter all the way.
Well, the movie is not much I am going to talk about. It is mankind determination that I am going to talk about. Well, I bet all of us had heard the incident where a very helpless mother able to raise up a car to save her child. I am not sure where and when this incident had happened but I am pretty sure that this had happened before. This is the good part of mankind determination. It is to save others lives. Or maybe I can say that the mother is pretty lucky.
I bet if the fellah under the car is not her child I do not think that she will be able to raise the car. Shall I say that if it was not her child, I do not think that she will bother to touch the car anyways? Well, she does not has the determination to save the fellah under the car if that fellah is not her child.
Actually, God had given us enough to survive through as the highest ranking organism in the world. One of it is our determination. When we are determined enough we are able to survive. Not just that we are able to bring other together with us and walk through our life time. There are times when an individual give up their determination and walk through their life time like a living corpse. There are some out there. Although they are very successful in life but they feel just like a living dead corpse. Their determination to live for another day had reached the zero line.
We find our determination in all ways. Doesn’t matter whether it comes from an incident or it comes from someone. All it matter is how are we going to deal with our determination. Most of the people are saying that the end of the world is coming. I had heard that for almost 13 years. It is still not happening but people are making it real. Isn’t it amazing? Mankinds are so determine that one day apocalypse will emerge and everything will be gone. They even predicted how the end of the world is going to happen. This situation is as if we are begging and hoping to die and extinct from the world very soon. This is funny……
Well, if we are that determinant to die, there is no point you are breathing at this moment. If you are hoping for the end of the world, then there is no point spending for your food. Why don’t you just lay down and close your eyes and just sleep through your life time.
It is true that in most religious they believe that one day Dooms day will come and all of us will be dead and being judged. We got to know that Dooms day is arriving so that we can live the best of the best in our everydays life. No doubt, we must be very determinant. All of us know that the Mother Nature is terribly sick but not aggressive steps were taken to heal her. So, are we determining enough to survive or determine enough to welcome the Dooms day? Think about it…..

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Something very impressive my mom said this holiday…

This season greeting, I had spent the most time at home with my family. After all, we had being travelling from the day I am home until the day they sent me back to college. It is fascinating and impressive but at the same time tiring and physically suffered. I remember very well that in one of the day trip my mom had said this in the car: well, after so many years of hard works, now I am just an old hen without much fur on my body.
Well, I was so deeply touched by her words. Suddenly, I had so much to feel about my mom. Actually her phrase was made after my dad said that they both (my parents) seldom go for vacation if there is no special event. My mom felt that her existence is priceless. Nevertheless, she felt that her husband will just bring her to vacation if the children are home. That is why she felt that she is a hen without much fur on her body. After all the hard works in supporting the four little chicks (me and my siblings) to be adult, her existence is no longer much important to the cock (my dad).
This is my parents conversation in the car that day…I remember it very well…
Dad: Haiya, you aren’t that priceless la. I also got bring you walk here and there ma
Mom: Yes lorh….if your son did not come back, I was nowhere to go. You will always said that it is boring to face you everywhere.
Dad: You said it is hot and humid put there. So, better watch movie at home.
Mom: hmm…after you said that you are boring to see my face, what else can I said??? Last time, when all of them (me and my siblings) are still kids, you will always bring us here and there. Now I know why…it is because I can help you to guard the kids and take care of them. It is like a hen with the chicks around her. Now, when all the chicks are grown up, the cock no longer need the hen to take care of the chick and can simply go for a walk without the hen…
All of us were silent in the car and have a small smile on our face. The statement is quiet funny and yet it is quiet true I bet. When we used to be kids, mom will always be by our side. It doesn’t matter what the event is and what the problem is. She is always there for the kids. Just like the chicks and the hen. Have you ever question whether it is the chicks that follow the hen or the hen that follow her chicks. I can tell you the answer that the hen is always following the chicks. You can ask the Kampung people. They knew that the best was to capture the hen is just simply trap one of the little chick in the barn. The hen will turn round and round the barn with other chicks.
It is the same in our daily life. Mom will never leave their children. However, when the children had grown up to be an adult, it is not necessary that they will always be there for the mother. This is not a rules or a course that must be followed but it is the reality that most of us is practicing.
When we were kid, whenever we are sick, our mom will be the one which is most worried. Never to forget about our dad as well. However, a mom effort does more than dad. She will find the correct medicine and the best physician to heal us. This is not that obvious in a normal kid life. You can see it in the pediatric department of most of the hospital. Most of the mother that has a child administer in this department is actually a half professional nurse. They will know when and what medicine the patient should take. When is the time to take the temperature, when is the time for blood test and other things that a nurse will do. Mom is not just doing it but they can be doubling more professional that a nurse can be.
Every mom thinks that their children deserve anything that available in their ability. I had seen a mother with an Down syndrome son. I bet her son is around his twenties. She brings her Down syndrome son to a five-star-hotel for swimming in the swimming pool there. She doesn’t care what other people will think about her son. I can see from this mother that she always think that her son deserve everything that a normal kid can have. Her face is very determinant and she knew that her son has nothing much different from other kids. Out of a sudden, I feel so touched. I think back what my mom had did for me. It is actually the same. The entire mother in this world is just the same. Sacrificing for their kids but not asking anything back.
However, when the kid grown up. The situation will be a little bit different. The child that the mother sacrifices for is not the mother or the father of another kid. He or she learns to sacrifice for his or her son and slowly forgetting the one that had sacrifice for them previously. At this moment, the mother (which is now grandmother) will need someone in return as a company. Who will that be? The answer will be her husband.
After all these years of bringing up the children, when they are all adult, the best companion will never be you r children but it is your wife or your husband. My mom will always told me that, one day me and my siblings will have our own life and family but not her or her husband that come into concern. When I first heard that I thought my mom was just playing some tricks so that next time we will look after her. But now I found out that this is very true. She knows that very well. The mom that I used to think is just an simple woman that just know how to cook at home actually had a wisdom which is far more better than me who is in university. She just finished her primary school.
After all, now is her best time. Like she said, it is actually the time for her and her husband to honeymoon and did the things and go the place that they long for. As the son of my parents, all I hope is that they will be happily ever after.

P/S: no one will know when is his or her time to leave this world. Thus, it is best to spent all the precious time available with our beloved one as much as possible because they are gone they really gne. Not just the person that is gone but all the going to be sweet memories will not happened….

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Memories - worth to keep?

memories can be bitter can be sweet....can be sour can be tasteless...to keep memories meaning to keep some certain feeling to ourselves...it is the feeling that created when we were together with others...it is the feeling when we look at something...the feeling does feel very good at the moment we had found it...but the feeling is not necessary to feel good when we recall it back...usually during recalling tyme...we will have other feeling mixed up together...

yu ffel pain and teribly sad when yu look at your newly born abay...yu swear to yourself..."i am not going to give birth anymore..." a few years later..."owh...i am pregnant again..." well, during that few years...the feeling of sad and pain when delivering come and go...yu feel it is teribly pain...but yu feel enjoyable...ahaks...

at the very moment...of course the feeling for certain memories is very strong...but when we calm down...or after some times...the feeling for that certain memories will be changed or altered...

so...my questions is...worth to keep memories that will not maintain its original feeling?

haha...i do not know...but i like to forget all the momories and incident i had seen today....to start a new tomolo...but i just never make it...ahahahahah....